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Writer's pictureNicole Lasquety

Unsolicited Advice from a Misanthrope




You will be hated for being perfect

You will be mocked for your failures

You will be misunderstood for helping

You will be told to sit down

You will be told to shut up

You will be judged for staying silent

You will be pressured to abandon your religion

You will be called lofty for being ambitious

You will be scoffed at for making mistakes

You will be found repulsive for being human

You will be deemed shallow or mean for telling jokes

Because everyone knows that jokes are half meant

You will be rejected for being too nice

Because everyone knows that being too nice is boring


You will be abandoned for being too cold, critical, and calculating

You will be scorned for being too free spirited and impulsive


You will be left behind for your indecisiveness and failure to deliver

You will turn off people for jumping into conclusions too fast

You will be pushed away for loving



You will have no excuse for making mistakes

Because everyone knows that everyone makes mistakes

And making mistakes are unprofessional

Therefore being human is unprofessional and really animalistic

But before you criticize my rash reasoning

Think about it really

We are not to bring personal and relational problems to work and vice versa

We are expected to generate work like machines

Society tells us to be ourselves

While simultaneously holding a set of ideals

People will be ambivalent and apathetic

For reasons that aren’t yours to find out

You will be told to get over your hurts

Get over your uncertainty

Get over your self-consciousness

You will be told that withdrawal is being lazy

“You’re only as good as your last performance”

And when people have seen all you’ve got

They will find someone else to replace you

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